My son has a pretty Fiancee now… and I am at a juncture in life where a new and beautiful member is soon going to join my close knit family.
We were “Four” we will be “Five”… I love the nurturing component that we are so invisibly working on. Nurturing a relationship can seem confusing at first. But consciously working on it almost feels the same as nurturing your own self. It was so much easier when I decided to look at our relationship as three entities gathered together—myself, the new member and the relationship—it is so much easier to understand.
Each one of these entities needs to be nurtured.
Being able to nurture the “us” part of our life can be a little complicated with work, and life, being as challenging as it is. Yet nurturing can become almost second nature because it feels so positive when it’s working. The idea here is that welcoming the new person, who is so dear to your son, one you love more than your right eye, and the relationship that binds you…. There was a need to make it a part of your normal behavior.
Nurturing can never be difficult to master, especially if you grew up in a family that was very nurturing, however it’s an easy thing to learn and quite pleasant when you finally get the hang of it. It all started with a desire to be closer to the one who is loving my son so dearly. Letting the person know, expressing in verbal words, and not assuming that she is expected to understand the “unsaid”. It was very pivotal for me to let her know that I value the person in her and that she is a precious inclusion in the family. And all this, not in a pressuring way but in a manner that conveyed how much happier we both will be once our relationship feels nurtured.
Actions to show that you care, though some may take a little effort, is well worth it. Thinking of it as an interest-bearing account keeps me going. Once you put energy into your relationship, it pays back rich dividends like bonding-contentment, excitement, joy, and focus. You get back much more than you put in. The feeling is like the vast sky then!
Simple acts of communication, although we are in the same city and apart, like texting, e-mailing, sharing ideas about how to spend a worthy weekend, giving a hand in baby-sitting her pet dog, helping in events, were some of the ways that really helped me to let her know that I value her, and communicating this way, brought us so close.
Barriers diminished … as we embraced the fact that we were there for each other. We never met for days, even months but somehow I never felt we were away from one another. I learnt to carry the love of a growing relationship with myself during my busiest workdays; it made life a little sweeter.
This blog post is especially for all mothers who are getting ready to become mother-in-laws. Remember you have to pave the path, you have to reach out first, you have to create the bonding and treat the emerging relationship as the topmost priority in life.
If you want a powerful bonding, your relationship needs to be nurtured!! Any relationship needs support and space to work things out.
As a mother I had to acknowledge my own anxiety and find the courage to step back, remembering that relationships thrive best in an environment that is reliable, consistent, and non-interfering.
